100 Day Challenge: Day 66
Kicking back at Mom and Dad's on what is now technically the day before Christmas.
It is amazing how much a change of setting can help clear your mind. I have nothing to worry about right now. Talking to my mom she helped me see where I've pulled myself into a spiral of worry. I keep telling myself to relax but I never seem to really be able to. As my mom pointed out, I worry about how I'm relaxing. Strange when I think about it, "Why are American's so violent about being non-violent?" -Unknown (To me anyway, I'l dig it up from In Search of the Warrior Spirit later).
I've been thinking on what I want to do during the upcoming new year. I've come up with becoming more disciplined, being more relaxed, and improving my outlook on life.
The big thing on my agenda is to start my programming classes by the beginning of next school year. The other really big thing I'd like to do is to take my Martial Arts training to the next level, I feel like I just kind of floated into my 2nd Degree. I did put some work and effort into getting it. I gave it my all while I was testing, but I could have done a much better job getting ready for the test. I've got at least a couple years to work up to 3rd Degree.
The biggest area I've been working on is balance, a couple things I learned from Tai Chi is to put your mind into your feet and into your center, as well as to move from your center. I'm amazed at the difference I feel in movement and stability.
Well everyone make it a great one and happy holidays!
100 Day Challenge: Day 62
Wow, been really nerding it up the last few days.
My mom had borrowed some money from me a while ago (I'd forgotten about it) and she offered to sell me my little brother's Xbox 360 in exchange for the money. She only owed me 60$. At first I hesitated, I'm not sure why.
I realized a couple days later that the night she'd offered it to me, I'd been thinking earlier in the day that I really wanted to let my gamer side go and get into playing games again. Which lead to the thought: "I should buy a 360 or a PS3." Which was followed by: "I can't afford it right now." Kind of funny how things work out. I got a 360 with a hard drive, it's also a model with an HDMI output, and 3 games. HALO 3, Blue Dragon, and Kung Fu Panda.
Beat HALO 3 back when it first came out with Wayne, so I've been playing Blue Dragon. Heard it's supposed to be a really epic game. It seems like it, 3 discs worth of stuff and I think Xbox only uses DVDs. It'll be interesting to see how long it goes for. So far the games seems pretty solid, very reminiscent of the Final Fantasy series. The combat system seems pretty fluid and it has some subtle complexities that I'm figuring out, things like using the charge meter to choose how large of an area is affected by a spell as well as how long the spell will take to cast in relation to the rest of the combatants in the fight. It appears there are also some elemental factors as well. I'm only 5 hours into the game so I haven't had much to choose from as far as those go. There's a lot of speech in the game and the videos in game look like they're rendered on the fly in the same style the Zelda games on Nintendo 64 did. I'm hoping there will be some awesome cinematography done with the camera in game.
I also picked up a Magic Premium Deck the other day at Shopko. It's an all foil, Sliver deck. It seems like it has some serious potential for destruction. So far it hasn't fared too well though. I think I won 2 out of 5 games with Tom. Those were more due to bad mana draws on his part (mana starved). His Vampire deck just seems very well equipped to fight creature based decks. He's got Hideous Ends, for a converted mana cost of 3 he can destroy a non-black creature and deal 2 damage to the creature's controller, and a good number of his creatures have flying with deathtouch and lifelink. Wow just a really good combination. I think I can add some cancels to the deck to counter those spells, then I'd really like to add some more Crystaline Slivers. Pretty sweet for a converted cost of 2. I'm thinking I could add more more slivers, but it might be easier to add more Wild Pair cards into the deck. They allow me to cast a creature and then cast another create with the same total power and toughness. Now that I'm looking at the cards, I see some other strategies evolving.
I also just found out that they have Bamboo Blade on YouTube, wow talk about rounding out the nerd train 
A new console, a new Magic Deck, and a new Anime series to watch. Of course I'm also in inheriting a Sega Genesis soon as well. Wow, I am oozing with nerdiness. Now to balance things out I need to nerd out on my Karate practice.
Karate I've discovered is a something I'm having to redefine my goals in. I earned my 2nd Degree and now I'm wanting to focus elsewhere for a while, but at the same time I don't want to abandon it all together. Always the same problem for me, I find way too many things interesting and trying to focus on one or two at the expense of the others is a difficult choice.
It's got to be better than not having anything to get excited about.
I have a lot of excitement and enthusiasm for things. I must find a way to focus it.
Come to think of it, the whole point of doing this 100 Day Challenge is supposed to be learning how to work with the laws of the universe. I haven't been doing much of that. Well at least in a direct manner.
100 Day Challenge: Day 59
I'm not really sure if this is actually Day 59 or a Day 58 recap.
Meh, it really doesn't matter.
I'm awake at 6 am. I went to bed at about midnight, then woke up at about 4:30. Couldn't go back to sleep so I decided to run with it
I fell asleep watching Accepted and decided since I couldn't sleep I figured I may as well actually watch it.
After watching it I'm feeling somewhat inspired, I don't know what I'm feeling inspired to do. I feel the need to let myself drea.
Do I know how? I find myself thinking things like: I want to do... But then my mind immediately goes to: Will this get me social acceptance? I was thinking about it last night, I wish I knew how it is that I just have fun. Thinking about it, I know when I'm having fun, so I guess it's a matter of paying more attention to what I'm doing when I'm having fun.
Wow, do I complain a lot? I feel like I do. Meh, I'd apologize but, nah, I'll give you guys permission to complain. So long as you're trying to do something about it. I think it's pretty universal that letting things out or rather expressing them helps to validate how you're feeling. I think validation helps in understanding where it's coming from and helps to be able to formulate a solution to it.
So I've complained about it, now what's my solution? Well I'm not sure, I've got some ideas I'm going to try.
My biggest idea is that I actually try something.
I know what I need to do to improve my life, but I haven't actually done much along those lines.
On a lighter note, I'm still trying to figure out how to get mascara off, I think I got all the foundation, lipstick and eyeliner. It was a fun night, I'll get some incriminating photos up here soon The things I do to help my dad out 
. But I digress, how many people can they know what they look like long black hair, makeup, a skin tight Blondie t-shirt, and a cupcake skirt? Even better, how many people can say the know what their dad looks like with shaved legs and hair extensions (mine looks a lot like Wierd Al Yankovic)?
It takes a real man to wear hot-pants.
Well time to start the day
Everyone make it a great one!
100 Day Challenge: Day 57
Tried to get this up last night but my netbook had other ideas
So here's a video update.
Nothing else going on at the moment, just enjoying my time off from school I'm debating about spending some more time working over the break. But we'll see.
Everyone make it a great one!
100 Day Challenge: Day 54
So after last night's little escapade I realized that I seem to be back where I started from.
That being I need to remember to have faith in what I want manifesting for me and that I'm where I'm at because of choices I've made.
Interesting and empowering, I feel a lot better now. Not to mention I've let go of some long held resentment toward my mother of all people. Glad I've let go of it, but now I feel bad because I've hurt her and she didn't deserve it. I've taken responsibility and now I'm formulating an apology, well actually I've already apologized for it but I think something larger is in order. Not sure what yet.
Anyway, I was reintroduced to the power of affirmation and holding strong intentions in my mind today.
Interesting that things start to become clear now that I don't have school weighing down my mental processes
Ended up reading a really powerful article on: Geoff Thompson's website titled: Per Ardua Ad Astra.
After which my mindset changed and I started asking myself why I don't accept success and why I blame others for what is clearly my responsibility. Then there was also an: Insight of the Day story about faith and intention and how powerful they are when we have no doubts in hour hearts.
So yet again, I'm back where I started with: What do I want?
The good news is: that while I feel like I'm back at the beginning I know I'm not because I've become more honest with myself about what I want and who I am.
I've gotten back in touch with my nerd and I've embraced that part of myself. I love being active, but my nerd must be expressed. Funny thing is, I actually feel a renewed sense of vigor toward studying Martial Arts! I also remembered that I love putting computers together (for the most part anyway, sometimes heatsinks/coolers can be a royal bitch to install). There's something about handling components that gets me going, not sure what it is. I like tinkering with things, making them faster, cleaner, better, etc. (Now if I can just figure out why the heater in the Mazda won't work, I won't freeze!)
Off to bed
Everyone make it a great one!
100 Day Challenge: Day 53
Wow, been almost a week since my last post...
This week has been pretty damn busy... Spent the majority of my weekend getting ready for my Math 1010 final. Which I bombed for some reason. Of course looking at the average for my class I'm right in the middle.
When the average on a final is: 55% I think that means there's a problem.
Wow, I'm a bit miffed about it... I have a feeling the final is a bunch of crap.
I'm going to run through other math books I have and going to go take the placement test, I will laugh when I test out of 1010 and probably 1050.
Wow, Had wanted to do a big day 50 recap, but oh well right in the middle of finals.
I'm glad they're over, I don't have to worry about school for over a month!
I am becoming incredibly frustrated with my vehicle situation. I'm left waiting for a loan payment to process before I get my car. I feel like I'm justified in feeling frustrated, I vented a little bit on my mom who is stuck in the middle of it. I just don't know what to do. My current vehicle does not like the cold, it will not go anywhere unless it's been warmed up for ten minutes. The gas mileage is horrible, on top of the heater not working.
I really should be grateful that I have a car, I don't have to walk in the cold.
Which lately it has been very cold. It's just after midnight right now and it's -8 degrees Fahrenheit. I really need to do something about the draft that comes in through the door to this place tomorrow.
But there is no bad weather, only the wrong clothes.
On the upside I got my new video card and installed it. I've been playing Deadspace for the last few days. I have the settings cranked all the way up. My computer is handling it like a champ.
On a side note, Dead Space is a beautiful game. Well beautiful in a disturbing sort of way, the graphics are amazing. I can only imagine what some of the more recent games look like on a high-end card. The game is amazingly well done, the graphics are detailed with a beautiful job done on the lighting and shadows. The music and sound effects do their job. I was actually expecting a shooter, but this game is definitely survival horror.
I've also started playing Magic The Gathering again. I haven't touched the game for a number of years, but my roommate got into playing and I started playing with his decks and remembered how interesting the game could be.
Alright well It's freezing down here, so I'm going to head to bed.
Everyone make it a great one.
100 Day Challenge: Day 47
Today I had a realization.
There's a lot of time I waste checking things, websites, blogs, my e-mail, etc.
So I decided to download Google Desktop and I setup a gmail account. I had one but I can't seem login to it, so I created another one. I also configured that gmail account and my school e-mail account to be accessed via Thunderbird. Yahoo wants me to upgrade before they'll let me access that account via POP3/IMAP. So I'm going to say goodbye to Yahoo and go pretty much all Google. I just feel a sudden need or maybe it's an understanding of how I can simplify my life if I consolidate as much as possible.
I'm also looking at downloading portable versions of my WebBrowsers (I use both Firefox and Chrome), Thunderbird, and Keepass. I figure this will help me keep everything together and organized. With these portable apps I'm figuring that it will make life a lot easier using both my desktop and my Netbook. (On a related note, I saw a touchscreen version of the Asus EePC today... It's hot... I don't know if it's $600 hot, but it was hot.)
I guess this goes along with my desire recently to de-muck my life. I've cleaned out my bedroom, my car, I've cleaned out my Hotmail account, my Yahoo account, and I've started cleaning out my e-mail account at work. Looking at my desk there's some clutter I can stand to get rid of here. I've also organized my files on my computer and I'm also planning on doing a Windows re-install after my graphics card gets here (currently it's sitting in a warehouse in Salt Lake).
Along with the Google Desktop install I've started to put my schedule in to Google Calendar. I'm betting this will make my tasks a lot easier to manage. Of course it's using this that also makes me want a G1. I'm sure it's got access to an app to bring up Google Calendar which would make managing tasks even easier.
Wow, I'm becoming a total tech junkie. Well at least to the point where I am letting them make my life easier. Or at least I'm hoping they make my life easier I'm still planning on doing some mind mapping for some things I would like to achieve.
Wow, I want to believe I'll find a way to make the money I set out to make at the beginning of this. Was it $10,000 or was it $15,000 or was it $20,000? I don't remember, but the last entry I found was for $10,000. I guess that points to the fact that money is not that important to me right now. I really can't complain, actually I'm grateful as hell. I have plenty of money coming my way to provide for what I'm doing Hell let's take a look at my major purchases that aren't school/living related: Hosting for this website, my netbook, a graphics card, down payment on another car (still waiting anxiously for that one to finally pay off.). Oh yeah and I just bought the original 3 episodes of Star Wars (IV, V, and VI) on special edition DVD the other day, so I really don't feel like a poser anymore. Oh yes, I've also had enough to pay for testing and take time off to promote to 2nd Degree Black Belt.
Now that I think about it, it really is awesome how money has been flowing into my life.
I'm just about half way through this process for the first time and really what I'm excited about is that I'm de-junking my life, as well I feel like I'm getting in touch with my real self. Those two things are worth far more to me any amount of money. Although I have a feeling that those two things are going to produce quite a bit of money for me
It is interesting to note how much more free-flowing the energy around me feels with things really starting to get cleaned up in my life. It's good Feung Shui to boot.
Everyone make your day a great one, I'm going to go crawl into my nice warm bed and cuddle with my kitties.
Defining Irony…
This is from: Not Always Right
Me: “Thank you for calling the [hotel]. How may I direct your call?”
Customer: *in a British accent* “I need a room for tonight.”
Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we are booked.”
Customer: “Why?”
Me: “It’s the 4th of July. We’re always booked on the 4th.”
Customer: “I know the date! Why are you booked?”
Me: “Um, it’s July 4th.”
Customer: “Listen, just give me a room!”
Me: “I’m sorry sir, we are sold out. The entire town is sold out.”
Customer: “The entire town? Why?”
Me: “Sir, it’s the 4th of July. Independence day.”
Customer: “Independence from what?”
Me: “Um, England.”
Customer: “Oh bloody h***!” *click*
It reminds me of my 4th of July this year... Spent it working for a company in the UK.
How do you define irony?
100 Day Challenge: Day 45
Wow, big win today.
I realized a particularly sly little habit that permeates my routine.
A little background first: My major weakness is a fear of being judged and rejected by people. Subconsciously I have a need to feel accepted even if that means not being myself. That's all fine and good. I realized that a long time ago
So really what's the big deal? What is it that I learned about myself myself today?
Well, I'll tell you
I can't remember exactly how I stumbled onto this, but I realized while I was walking to my car after classes that I have a tendency to want people to feel sorry for me. Or something along those lines. I pull the: I'm a college student card a lot. Most people react like: "Ahh I see." Or I pull the I'm overworked card, I'll talk about being a full-time student and how working on top of that wears me out. Then if I'm not getting what I want or someone tries to play "One Up" I pull the Karate teacher card.
All in all, yes my life is hectic, I know this and from what I've realized today I've drug everyone else into knowing this.
Those unconscious habits can be real buggers to find.
I find it strange that in some way I feel accepted when people feel sorry for me. Very strange since I've come to the realization that I really want people to look up to me and respect me. Genuinely respect me. Which now that I think about it, is most likely why this showed up for me. I want to be respected and how can you really respect someone you feel sorry for?
I also got to have a long conversation with Mr. Smith on Life, the Universe, and Everything. It ended up lasting about three hours.
One of the things I took from the conversation among many was the idea of a mind map. It's something I'm going start doing with things this Saturday and see what interesting things I can pull out of my head. This idea is important for me because I can see things fairly clearly in my head, but I have a hard time getting them down on paper a lot of times. That's because I think spatially and to go from a three dimensional idea to trying to write it down on a two dimensional piece of paper is just plain difficult.
Talking with Mr. Smith I can see how these mind will help me fill in holes in my ideas and they'll also give me a sequence so I can see a path forward instead of trying to jump around all the time.
Mr. Smith also gave me a suggestion with my teaching, he wants me to pay attention to how many times I say: no. I see that this will benefit me not just in teaching but will benefit my life overall.
Everyone make your day a great one!
100 Day Challenge: Day 44
The internet is back up at my apartment
Well actually it was back up after I called and talked to technical support yesterday, the modem/router needed to be "burped." But that took care of the problem, so yay!
I haven't recorded a new video yet, really just because I've been busy. I'm sorry about that, well really I need to apologize to myself.
Anyway, I've had a few good ideas to write about today, but I can't readily recall most of them. A thought I have been kicking around in my head. Something I may have already brought up in a previous post. But something I feel like I should share again even if I have already. The idea that if the state of the world is a net result of the people in it, then if I make myself a better person, then the world becomes a better place. If that is the case then by changing myself then I have changed the world.
Something for everyone to think about.
Of course something has come up again and again, is understanding is not enough. We must be willing to act on our understanding. Such as: I can understand that by changing my thought patterns my perception of reality will change as well. But it's not until I actually go through the process actively changing my thought patterns nothing will actually change.
So better yet, things for everone to think about and then ct on.
Well off to bed, it's going to be another fun day or Brandon tomorrow (wow, why do I do this to myself?).
Everyone make it a great one!