100 Day Challenge: Day 45
Wow, big win today.
I realized a particularly sly little habit that permeates my routine.
A little background first: My major weakness is a fear of being judged and rejected by people. Subconsciously I have a need to feel accepted even if that means not being myself. That's all fine and good. I realized that a long time ago 
So really what's the big deal? What is it that I learned about myself myself today?
Well, I'll tell you
I can't remember exactly how I stumbled onto this, but I realized while I was walking to my car after classes that I have a tendency to want people to feel sorry for me. Or something along those lines. I pull the: I'm a college student card a lot. Most people react like: "Ahh I see." Or I pull the I'm overworked card, I'll talk about being a full-time student and how working on top of that wears me out. Then if I'm not getting what I want or someone tries to play "One Up" I pull the Karate teacher card.
All in all, yes my life is hectic, I know this and from what I've realized today I've drug everyone else into knowing this.
Those unconscious habits can be real buggers to find.
I find it strange that in some way I feel accepted when people feel sorry for me. Very strange since I've come to the realization that I really want people to look up to me and respect me. Genuinely respect me. Which now that I think about it, is most likely why this showed up for me. I want to be respected and how can you really respect someone you feel sorry for?
I also got to have a long conversation with Mr. Smith on Life, the Universe, and Everything. It ended up lasting about three hours.
One of the things I took from the conversation among many was the idea of a mind map. It's something I'm going start doing with things this Saturday and see what interesting things I can pull out of my head. This idea is important for me because I can see things fairly clearly in my head, but I have a hard time getting them down on paper a lot of times. That's because I think spatially and to go from a three dimensional idea to trying to write it down on a two dimensional piece of paper is just plain difficult.
Talking with Mr. Smith I can see how these mind will help me fill in holes in my ideas and they'll also give me a sequence so I can see a path forward instead of trying to jump around all the time.
Mr. Smith also gave me a suggestion with my teaching, he wants me to pay attention to how many times I say: no. I see that this will benefit me not just in teaching but will benefit my life overall.
Everyone make your day a great one!